The Apology




  • Some have wondered why there is a separate support group for the partners of people with AD/HD. The following poem’s author explains it this way: “The group helped me in feeling there is a safe place to talk about the long-standing marital frustrations from my husband’s untreated AD/HD, to see that many more people are in this position, and to have others share their success stories so that I knew change was possible.”

    The Apology

    My husband apologizes after seven years of marriage

    “I’m sorry
    for how hard
    this has been
    for you”
    he said,
    after seven years,
    after only
    three weeks
    on the meds.
    The time slips
    through my mind,
    these years of
    crushed hopes,
    bearing the burden,
    holding up,
    weary every day,
    always moving forward,
    trying to find
    my joy
    in our situation.
    Not understanding,
    never understanding
    the sloth,
    hoarding,
    lack of responsibility,
    never completing,
    not owning up,
    incessant forgetfulness,
    never on time,
    lack of empathy,
    absentmindedness
    that has led
    to so much
    including the beginning
    of the end
    on the day
    when he lost
    our baby
    (later found)
    two months and
    twenty days ago.
    I reach deep
    into my heart
    and memories
    to find instances
    when he excelled:
    two crystal clear
    events, two years
    nineteen days ago
    and three years
    seven months
    twenty days ago
    he was focused,
    completely engaged,
    counting each and
    every contraction,
    touching my left
    index finger and
    absolutely dependable.
    I tell him,
    “You were the
    best labor coach.”
    His response
    is perfect.
    What we once
    shared so well,
    a core of
    our relationship,
    bubbles out.
    He laughs.
    And I feel
    a small spark
    inside my being
    that is,
    for a change,
    not anger.
    I still love him.

    Lisa Bennett
    11/18/04