The Apology




Some have wondered why there is a separate support group for the partners of people with AD/HD. The following poem’s author explains it this way: “The group helped me in feeling there is a safe place to talk about the long-standing marital frustrations from my husband’s untreated AD/HD, to see that many more people are in this position, and to have others share their success stories so that I knew change was possible.”

The Apology

My husband apologizes after seven years of marriage

“I’m sorry
for how hard
this has been
for you”
he said,
after seven years,
after only
three weeks
on the meds.
The time slips
through my mind,
these years of
crushed hopes,
bearing the burden,
holding up,
weary every day,
always moving forward,
trying to find
my joy
in our situation.
Not understanding,
never understanding
the sloth,
hoarding,
lack of responsibility,
never completing,
not owning up,
incessant forgetfulness,
never on time,
lack of empathy,
absentmindedness
that has led
to so much
including the beginning
of the end
on the day
when he lost
our baby
(later found)
two months and
twenty days ago.
I reach deep
into my heart
and memories
to find instances
when he excelled:
two crystal clear
events, two years
nineteen days ago
and three years
seven months
twenty days ago
he was focused,
completely engaged,
counting each and
every contraction,
touching my left
index finger and
absolutely dependable.
I tell him,
“You were the
best labor coach.”
His response
is perfect.
What we once
shared so well,
a core of
our relationship,
bubbles out.
He laughs.
And I feel
a small spark
inside my being
that is,
for a change,
not anger.
I still love him.

Lisa Bennett
11/18/04